It’s a huge plot point in “Dear White People,” where black student activist Sam faces scrutiny, shock and disappointment from her friends when it comes out that her boyfriend is a white guy named Gabe. But does dating a white person really make someone less black? Less down? Less woke?Author: Zeba Blay. Try as I might to suppress the reaction, I experience black men's choice of white women as a personal rejection of the group in which I am a part, of African American women as a whole, who have Author: Paige Tutt.
By Paige Tutt June 11 While scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed, I came across a link to a Gawker article that one of my friends reposted. In an essay entitled " The Reality of Dating White Women When You're Black ," writer Ernest Baker tackles big topics black couple dating interracial man other reaction white Eurocentric beauty standards, the taboo aspect of interracial relationships, and why he dates white women, among others: Why do I date white women? Black women have told me it's because I'm a sellout. The white men who can get past the mental anguish of my black penis tarnishing "their" women think I'm making some latent admission that their race has the most attractive women Most people have it wrong. I'm not a "black man" who "dates white women.
Slavery is over. What else is there to complain about? According to a Gallup poll, 96 percent of blacks and 84 percent of whites approve of black-white marriage. But what about that 4 percent of blacks and 16 percent of whites? Gallup There's a belief among some members of racial groups that one who dates outside of that race is disloyal, self-loathing, or has, for lack of a better word, been brainwashed.
It's time to talk about that. As author Lincoln Blades asserts in a piece at Uptown magazine, we need to promote an honest discussion about interracial relationships. It's hard to face the truth that educated and talented women like MacArthur Fellow Tiya Miles feel contempt towards black men who date white women.
She wrote in a Huffington Post blog late last year: It is the same sharp tug of disappointment that gets me every time I see a black man with a white woman on his arm.
Try as I might to suppress the reaction, I experience black men's choice of white women as a personal rejection of the group in which I am a part, of African American women as a whole, who have always been devalued in this society.
When I first read Miles' opinions, I was surprised, until I looked into the comments section and saw readers seriously advocating for solely dating within one's race. We are all members of this collective community living on Earth, and we all need to start being honest with ourselves.
What does it mean to be uncomfortable about interracial dating in ? What are the causes of this discomfort? Why are so many people advocating a "stay with your own race" mentality? As a young woman of color, I can attest to the fact that many people in this world feel it is their duty — no, their God-given right — to decide what is best for me, and especially whom is best for me to date.
Jordan then Ryan Gosling. After five years of my boyfriend and I dating on and off, I think my mom has come to love him almost as much as I do. Still, it was always funny that my mother questioned why I kept dating white guys, especially because I was raised as one of only few people of color in my community.
I grew up in the predominantly white suburbs of upstate New York. I went to a predominantly white high school where I was one of maybe five black kids. I grew up thinking that because I looked different, I somehow wasn't good enough. After years and years of internalizing the beauty standard promoted all around me, I headed off to college with a low self-esteem and essentially no sense of self-worth.
I went out to a frat party with my roommate on our first night. I was in a new city and in a completely new situation. I expected things to be similar to the way they were in high school. I looked down at my fingertips, stained deep mocha from my foundation, and felt self-conscious.
But then something happened: Once I escaped the small, isolated microcosm of Upstate New York, I met people who didn't think of me just based off of my skin color. I met my current boyfriend the next night, and he we are, still together five years later. Still, I would never ever say that being in an interracial relationship has been easy. I was fully aware that he had blond hair and blue eyes when I met him, obviously, but I didn't really understand what that meant until years later.
One of the most difficult parts about being in an interracial relationship is the fact that I started to question things I never I questioned before. I started thinking about the media and asking myself what qualities I was actually attracted to in a man, specifically my boyfriend, versus what qualities I'd been taught to find attractive.
Part of me used to envy how soft, straight, and blond his hair was. One of my favorite things to do was to play with his hair. He would lie with his head in my lap, and I would run my fingers through the blond strands.
It was so effortless to do that, to just run my fingers through his hair. When I did that to my hair, my hand got stuck a quarter of the way through. Later, though, his hair color and eye color began to feel less important to me.
They became superficial and meaningless, because the man I had fallen in love with would be the same person regardless of what color his hair and eyes were.
I couldn't deny that those characteristics had been among those that drew me to him, but they were no longer among the things that most attracted me to him.
If he put in brown contacts and dyed his hair black tomorrow, I would love him just as much as the day I met him. As I think happens in most relationships, the physical attributes that initially attracted me to him aren't as important anymore. In this case, we assessed explicit biases by simply asking participants how they felt about same-race and interracial couples. In total, we recruited approximately 1, white people, over black people and over multiracial people to report their attitudes.
We found that overall, white and black participants from across the U. In contrast, participants who identified as multiracial showed no evidence of bias against interracial couples on either measure. The figure below shows the results from the implicit association test. The lines indicate the average discrepancy in the length of time it took participants to associate interracial couples with positive words, when compared to associating same-race couples with positive words.
Notice that for multiracial participants, this average discrepancy overlaps with zero, which indicates a lack of bias. Positive values indicate bias against interracial couples, while negative values indicate bias in favor of interracial couples. Note that multiracial participants actually show a bias in favor of interracial couples. In the explicit bias test, black and white participants expressed a significant level of discomfort with interracial relationships.
Multiracial people have few romantic options that would not constitute an interracial relationship: Over 87 percent of multiracial participants in our sample reported having dated interracially.
Predicting bias We also wanted to know what might predict bias against interracial couples. We anticipated that those who had previously been in an interracial romantic relationship — or were currently involved in one — would hold more positive attitudes. For both white and black participants, this is precisely what we found. There was one catch: Next, we wanted to test whether having close contact — in other words, spending quality time with interracial couples — was associated with positive attitudes toward interracial couples.
Psychological evidence has shown that contact with members of other groups tends to reduce intergroup biases. To get at this, we asked participants questions about how many interracial couples they knew and how much time they spent with them. We found that across all three racial groups, more interpersonal contact with interracial couples meant more positive implicit and explicit attitudes toward interracial couples.